DARE #1 Abby Belnap

Hi Abby,

Thanks for your support! My fans have always been #1, and it sounds like your A FAN!!! I couldn't find the umbrella, so I grabbed the next best thing - an ice scraper!!! I was certain that it would be a perfect substitute - allowing me to float down to the ground expertly and jog away. Well to say the least it was terrifying and painful.

At first I wasnt exactly sure what had happened. Soon though it was apparent. I'll be OK.

Secrets Revealed

Hello Followers,



I realize that the readers of this blog have been looking forward to a new blog entry. The truth is, I have been in the process of "re-inventing" my celebrity. Most celebritys come to a point where the public has become bored with them. It becomes necessary to use power of surprize to catapoult you back into the ring. Screech from Saved by the Bell recently had a sex tape "accidently" released and now he is back on tv. So I have been thinking about what to do to refresh my followers and get them interested once again. At first, the obvious thing to do was a sex tape... but I'm too shy. Then, I had another idea that could have killed me. Im still recovering from that and it did'nt get any publicity. Then I came up with the perfect plan. I decided to post my deepest darkest secrets here on my blog, almost as if it were like a "truth or dare" game and I choose "truth" everytime. So here we go...

Truth #1. Often I want things but cant have them

Truth #2. I love cats but hate cat poop

Truth #3. This one time I was downtown and I was just like chillin and my bro dan showed up and was like "hey dude" and I was like "hey dude" and he was like "whats up" and I was like "chillin" and he was like "got any smokes" and I didnt want to give him any cause he always bums smokes from me but I did any way and was like "yeah dude but only one ok cause I dont get paid til friday" and he was like "sweet" so I gave him a smoke and he was like "didu hear about jim" and i was like "which jim" because i know like 2 jims but one goes by james but sometimes people call him jim and i think when they call him jim its by accident and then they just pretend it didnt happen cause jim is short for james anyway and he was like "jim beam" and i was like "yeah dude im still wasted from last night" and he was like "yeah that was crazy" and i didnt know what he was talking about cause i didnt see dan last night and he was like "wait we didnt party last night" and i was like "i did dude" and he was like "yeah, me too" so anyway later that day i was ridin by bike through town and i saw kelly so i was like "yeah" and so i pulled over and went into the store that she was standing in front of and she looked at me and was like "yeah" so i went in the store i didnt really want to buy anything so i bought some gum and i was gonna give kelly some but when i went back out kelly was gone and my bicycle was gone too but then i saw it it was right next to me the whole time but kelly was still gone so i left on my bike my mom called me on my cell and told me dinner was ready so i went home.

Truth #4. If I had to become any black female in the world i would choose Oprah

Truth #5. Uhhhh...

OK this is boring. How about this - Lets play dare. Someone dare me to do something - and i will take pictures of me doing it and that will be my next post.

T

I'M BACK!!!

Hello Everyone,

Things have been very difficult for me since my last post...

After discovering the horrid image described in my last post; I decided that there was no other option than to disconnect my internet service. At first the lack of internet started to form my new personality. I was light on my feet and could not stop smiling. FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF EVIL!!! After a short while my body started to shut down. As you can see from this snapshot taken as I came home from work, things were starting to get serious. My senses numb, my hair falling out, my legs like jello, my bowels obstructed - it was time to figure something out. When I was finally brought to the hospital, they told me in the ICU that if I had waited any longer I might have expired. My doctor and I decided that the best route of therapy would be to gradually re-introduce the internet back into my life. The therapy started with watching a YouTube video, and now I'm consuming more internet then ever before!!! He referred me to a specialist who has begun working with me developing the coping mechanisms that will aid my inevitable confrontations with such fore discussed images. I feel GREAT!!! I am walking again, and pretty much feel like my old self. Once I started feeling well again - my doctor told me that I should have a spa day. So... I DID!!! As you can see in this picture I am looking as healthy and vibrant as EVER!

Thank-you everyone for the out-pouring of support. I got all the flowers and cards... and the cash - Thank-you. I have never felt more loved. I'm Back...

-Christian

The Internet ruined my day

Hello Everyone,

I have had an awful day. Something happened to me this morning - and after that - nothing could have made me feel better.

I believe in a free Internet - I really do - but I also believe that if we are going to have this; there has to be a sense of personal responsibility and censorship. I would also hope that if some sicko was going to fill up the internet with their garbage - that they would hide it so thoroughly that someone like me - who is just browsing for the news of the day over a cup of tea - could somehow avoid it. I AM APPALED.

To continue my story; so there I was - only awake for about 20 minutes. Sipping on my delicous cup of organic Ceylon orange pekoe tea -which by the way is delicious- . I decided to open my computer and do some searching for the days news. I was hoping that I could get some kind of preview of the inaugeration. I must have clicked a wrong link or something, because after some innocent browsing (I honestly don't know how it happened) there on my computer screen was one of the most horrific images I had ever seen. I cannot even classify it. Below I have provided a link for those of you who DO NOT have weak stomachs. I'm giving this link out, because after realizing that images like this are available on the internet - I am seriously considering calling my internet provider and disconnecting my service. I hope that you also have a new outlook on this vast source of evil and "mind cancer" called... The Internet.

*WARNING - NOT FOR SENSITIVE VIEWERS*

Freak Accident

You all know that I like to do things that test the boundaries of possibility. Daily I indulge in life threatening exercises simply because I can; it gives me a huge rush to know that at any moment I could submit to peril - and die as a result of my extreme and reckless behavior. This morning, that almost happened. As I was juggling a few flaming chainsaws one slipped and almost left me a one armed man. As you can see from the picture on the upper right hand corner, the carnage left behind is devastating. Although my life may never be the same, and it will probably take months and years to rehabilitate - this will not interfere with who I am. I WILL return to my daring and dangerous ways... Some day.

My Arctic Adventure

Hello Everyone,

I just got back from my annual trip to the northern most parts of Canada! Everytime I go I find an excuse to go see some polar bears!!! In this shot you can see me just kinda hangin' out with them - but soon after this - I was able to strap on the saddle and go for a nice trot across some totally awesome tundra! I already miss it there. Although, when I woke up this morning it was -38˚! As you can see I'm so extreme that I dont even wear clothes when I go. I actually put these shorts on just for this picture.

My pet-friend Mufasa

Hi Everybody!

Most of you are probably already aware that I have a pet lion. For those of you who were not aware of this, his name is Mufasa and him and I are in-seperable. I knew that I wanted a pet friend - and since everything I do is extreme - a lion was of course the only choice. He is relatively tame; although he doesn't like to come inside and he bites people.

Look Mom, I'm working for the Government!

Hi Everybody!

I realize that this is my 2nd post for the day, but I have some news that I just can't hold back anymore! I think that Barack Obama has selected me for some sort of cabinet level appointment!!! I'm pretty sure of this! Can you imagine, me working for the government??!! How exciting. I have no idea what kind of policies I will put in place. Also, I suppose that we will have to move to D.C. to make things more convenient for our family; or else we will never see each other. I wonder if he knows I voted for John McCain? Ok, well I will keep you all posted as I find out more information.

These are the socks I wore today!

I know what your all thinking...

"So you have a blog now, where are the socks?" Well, here you are. These are the actual socks that I wore ALL DAY! They were brand new like 2 years ago. Actually, I'm not sure because I have bought several batches of these socks throughout the last several years. These could be anywhere from 3 years old to 1 year old. I have a particularly difficult time matching my socks, even though they all look just like this. Some of them are medium size and some are large size. Also, they have all been washed a different # of times leaving them basically all different sizes. I am very serious about my socks matching and being just the same size. I don't care if the stains match, but they should at least be of similar size and vintage.

The Greatest Story of All

So anyway, I'm a blogger now...


I understand completely that those of you that read my blog will undoubtedly be drawn in as if hypnotized. My words are powerful, and interesting. I promise to be a good steward of your psyche and will only brainwash you with the best of intentions...

And yes, I'm serious.

This is The Greatest Story of All. Welcome to my Blog.

-Christian